I know why

I am starting to realize why I was supposed to be Harrison's mother and why he was supposed to come to our family..so interesting to me that a year ago I hurt so badly and now I just see the world different. And instead of last year going what's wrong with my son.. why is this happening I totally get it.. I now see him as a perfect little kid who teaches me more about myself than I think I could have ever realized had he not come to me. It's almost like I have a little bit of heaven in my home. He makes me think about what really matters every day... And I think of him as how christ would see my son.. a very valiant strong spirit, who has such deep love and sweetness.

 I think having two sisters who we knew were terminal has helped me deal with everything the last year and has helped me realize.. there will be bad days.. but there will also be great days.. and as long as I do something that day to make him happy and make a memory.. we're good :) everything else dosn't really matter., he's taught me to be more aware of peoples feelings, of caring more deeply for others pain, of using my time wisely, hes taught me to really appreciate the tiny things in life, to be interested in what he really loves..not what I think he should love...

Its been a growing year.. and I wouldn't change it and  I wouldn't change him... because I can truly say I think I'm a better person now than I was a year ago. And I have growing faith that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to turn out... And I will do what my father in heaven wants me to do... And I will be happy. Happier than what I thought was perfect. And you know what he's doing so amazing in school I see improvement so much... with interaction... about 100 new words.. hes brshing his teeth following routine... loves nursery..loves school... his eye contact is steller... we are almost potty trained...i can see a presence in him that isnt scared of his world anymore and that makes me happy. I know he knows brandon and I are his safe haven and that also makes me happy. And I'm greatful for a husband that has been nothing short of amazing through this year. I want to bawl just talking about how glad I am he's mine.
blessings blessings..  I'm so greatful for his constant presence in my life. Maybe now I just am able to see those blessings easier.