How did she know...

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've had being a mother. I'm usually an optimistic person but yesterday at 6 in the morning when they both started crying I just felt defeated. I'm sick again- not sure why I've gotten 6 colds in 4 months but all I wanted to do was sleep. I get up feed them change them and they are very whiny and both want to be held- It's super hard when they are both clingy- I only have 2 hands. Every time I left the room they would cry- I was trying to cook myself lunch and burned it because I had to keep running up and down the stairs to try and make them happy. Neither one napped- I was exhausted. I miss the boys car seats that I could carry them around in. They are too big and now it takes me about an hour to go anywhere one boy at a time loading unloading buckling unbucling buckling again. I'm someone who loves getting out of the house and tried to do it at least once a day with my boys after they were born so I'd get in the habit and it wouldnt be an issue going places. It's a lt harder now and harrison hates being pinned in. So when we go anywhere he screams in his stroller car seat ect... So now I bring the snuggly -put unit in the stroller and harrison on me. It's just stressful and overwhelming when I need to get stuff done. It's also frustarting having just one car that barley fits us all. Don't get me wrong- I love my rav- it's just so tiny and hard to fit the boys stuff and grocery's ect. So Brandon calls me everyday from work when he leaves downtown to get on the train. I usually go pick him up- which means packing the boys ect. Yesterday They were being horrendous and I thought they'd go down for a nap so I told Brndon to take the bus home from the train station. Which is about 15 minutes away- the buses only come every half hour so if he misses it by a minute he has to wait- its so annoying! I feel bad when there are days that I don't want to go get him. Because I know he'd come get me. Hes a much better person than I am. So The boys don't go down and I try feeding them big boy food- I'm not fast enough putting it in there mouths and they scream tere heads off at me to let me know. They've been whiny all day and the screaming just pushes me over the edge. I sit there and cry while trying to shovel it in fast enough- and harrison being so mad spits it out on me all over- I'm covered in banannas- crying unncontrollably because I just don't know what to do. Thinking he'll be home in 3 minutes it ok- he's not- the bus left early- I call him and he has to wait another 30 minutes for the bus and 15 to drive home. I can't handle this anymore! I'm pretty good about keeping control and being patient but I just felt like not being a mom for a while. Brandon finally got home and I cried again. Mad at myself for breaking down. mad at myself for wishing I wasn't a mom right then. Because I'm so lucky to have two healthy little boys. It was just a really hard day for me. I needed to be alone have quiet time for myself. We fed them chnaged them and they finally went to bed around 9 - 6-9 very long day. As I got into bed Brandon just held me- as a quietly cried again. Feeling overwhelmed that it would start all over again tommorow. I said a prayer- Help me Heavenly Father- I can't do it anymore. And I fall asleep. I remember Brandon kissing my forehead when he left at 6 and then the phone rang. It was Linda. She's my visiting teacher.. One of the only people I'll actually tell if I need something- I just haet inconvenicing people- and I'm stubborn and try to do everything myself-( sometimes I just need to ask for help)- but it scares me to ask. I just thought I needed to call you...I start to sob-He Knew-He heard me-can I come watch the boys ? Yes How did you know? I just felt like you needed me today. She was so in tune with the spirit. How how did dhe know I was on the point of breaking? I'm so greatful I needed an hour of peace and an hour of not having to take care of every little thing. She's amazing and I hope I can be that in tune to help someone if the spirit touches me. My heavenly Father loves me. What a wonderful feeling to know he's there for me. My testimony did push ups today. Thank You Linda I love you.