Wednesday, September 29, 2010

twin talk

Soo we've been going through a rough patch lately with little Harrison.

When you have twins it's very easy to compare one twin with the other. 
And its easy for people to point out differences in our boys-
 yes we know they are complete 180's from each other -
 ones talkative and ones not- ones chill and the other one....not so much we hear this all the time and thats ok

 I guess what people don't see is what they are like 24/7.  
Their twin talk.  Why we understand them as parents. And why we know why they are like this.
They can understand each other- call each other by name in their own little language- and I have no clue what's happening. 
And thats ok and normal they are fraternal twins- like brothers just born at the same time.
  people ask...they are the same age shouldn't they be doing the same things?  
Having had Harrison in the NICU they warned me he could be a little behind  in some aspects being premature and not to compare with other kids
 It looks like language is the first barrier I have to work with.

The only problem is when you have one twin thats a chatty cathy and will not let the other one talk or answer questions or finish a sentence. Or when you see they have their own language together. It's hard to tell what they should and shouldn't be doing. I believe each child is different and needs their own time to develop. It's just getting difficult to see our child so frustrated

I wish I could divide myself in 3 so each of my kids got the one on one time they need with me.  It dosnt feel fair that I cant do that and have never been able to have one on one time with them for longer than a couple hours. I would give anything for that- so they know they are loved individually.

 I read books for what seems like hours to help him with his language. And I feel like its working. I just feel awful about how harrison is so frustrated- tantrum frustrated. That he cant communicate what he wants to me. He's been getting better he can tell me things now instead of just pointing.  big step from a month ago -I wan juu- I want juice.wa ra ra go- where did greyson go? I know he understands everything I say to him- I can ask him to go get me his cup/truck ect and he'll bring it to me. 

It's just telling me what he wants thats a struggle and his twin talk with greyson makes it even harder- when greyson will tell me what he wants. 

Also It's hard to remember to ask them things individually. Greyson go get your socks on. Harrison please go get your socks. Thank you greyson for putting your socks on. Thanks you harrison for putting your socks on.
Im exhausted. I'm frustrated. And I feel so sad for him. Cried every day this week. It's been hard.
These tantrums are rough

Not that anyone needs to hear my sad sob story- everyone goes through stuff I realize that and this is nothing compared to what others have -everyone has trials.  Maybe it's to teach me something I need to learn. Maybe it's not for him it's for me. I don't know I just feel like its my fault for not doing enough with him individually.
and for some reason this little obsticle has benn extra taxing on me right now.
3 really little kids is a lot of work.
Any other twin moms out there? Any advice? Did you have a dominant speaker? 



  1. Each child is unique. Each child has their own strengths and weaknesses. Each child grows, develops and learns at their own rate. I'm a fraternal twin and I have 5 siblings. One thing I really appreciated about my parents is that they didn't parent us all the same. They nurtured our specific needs and they didn't put the same expectations on me that they would have for my sister, etc! I don't know if this helps or not. Just remember that soon this phase will pass and we will be onto to bigger and different challenges that come with raising these precious spirits. You are a wonderful mother. Just remember that.

  2. Bree, these boys are lucky to have YOU as their mom. YOU are the one who is their advocate and defender and you do a great job! I am so sorry that this feels so frustrating. I went through some very similar things with Ethan, and we by no means have reached perfection, but I think having Greyson as a constant reminder and comparison makes it difficult. 2 of mine have spent time in the NICU and we have delays and different issues with each. Being the mom really sucks some days, but remember the moments when it is really good - that is what you have to look forward to for an eternity.

    YOU were chosen to be Harrison's mom, and You are doing a great job, and You have the strength to keep going.

    You also have the right to complain, and if you need to vent then do it!

    I Love you, and if you need help getting more one on one time, let me help. I struggle with that as well. Skyler craves one on one attention and praise and it is really hard to give to him with 3 kids.

  3. Honestly Bree, I am sure you are doing a great job, those kids are all happy and healthy!
    I know what you mean about not comparing to other kids, etc... Kalea is pretty slow with her talking, I think in part due to her attachment to her soother, but still. We have play dates with kids her age and they're all talking in sentences and well, she's definitely not. It is super hard, and as a Mom I can totally relate to how you're feeling that way, I can only imagine what it's like having the twin situation though. I'm trying to set up play dates for Kalea at times when I can get someone to watch Brynlee for me, and then Kalea gets one on one time with me and she gets to play with a kid, without Bryn being there to be a distraction, etc... It seems to be helping her a little bit, but really, only time will tell. These little people are such great little teachers, sometimes I think we get impatient with ourselves when really it's not about us at all. You're awesome. If you ever want to set up a play date, we are always available!

  4. I'd bet on the fact that he's just too busy having his brother say things for him that he is just looking like he's a bit slower to catch on to the communication thing. The whole asking things to both individually... That would get old and I don't think it is necessary at all. Just ask them both together. They are going to have to get used to being a package deal and I think it will be easier on them growing up if it isn't made out to be a big deal now.
    E was so much slower to talk since R was so good at either translating for her or being the vocal one. Just wait for the day that he gets sick of having his needs communicated. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE SILENCE AGAIN!!!!
    (and you'll need reminding that you love it!)

  5. You should get a special book for him that my mom bought us when we were kids. It is called Leo the Late Bloomer, about an adorable lion cub and his friends. The friends can say wonderful things, draw pretty pictures and leo just can't. His momma reassures him that he is just a "late bloomer" I swear I want to tear up when I read the sentance "and then Leo bloomed" Its a great reminder for kids and parents.

    Don't underestimate the power of a personal battle. You said "Everyone goes through stuff I realize that, and this is nothing compared to what others have--everyone has trials." Just because someone else has another battle, doesn't mean yours isn't real, painful, and personal. That is what the Atonement is for, not just the big stuff, but the little pain. You are a fantastic mom and you deserve the very best and you also deserve to vent so don't downplay your pain. Embrace it, feel it, share it, and figure out how to deal with it.

    you are awesome Bree. Keep holding on!

  6. Hey Bree,
    I don't have twins, and neither of mine were in the NICU, but Logan (turned 3 in August) is a late-talker. I just wanted to tell you how empathetic I am about the frustration-tantrums. I know them. Very well. Far too many at our house. Logan is actually going to a speech and language center for an evaluation on Friday (our pediatrician suggested it).....anyway, good luck, yours are some very very lucky children to have you as their mother. :)

  7. Bree-
    I am currently working as a speech pathologist in early intervention (birth to three) in Utah. Caveat: I have no idea how your SLP services work in Canada PLUS I have never met your twins. BUT here it is completely free to get an evaluation, all you need to do is call your local school district office (usually they have a preschool/early intervention center). And let them know you are concerned. You can then talk with a service coordinator and determine if a speech and language evaluation would be appropriate. In the US we really push for home services so the therapist would come to you for and evaluation and services (if he should qualify)! If he doesn't qualify at least that is one less thing to worry about...
    IF you have more questions you can e-mail me!

  8. wow i just read this post 2 years later after his autism diagnosis..amazing to se when everything started and how far we've come since then.