I'm not the same person I was a year ago, and for that I am greatful, My whole world was turned upside down, I was scared beyond what I could control, confused, sad, worried about the future ,and then my eyes slowly slowly started to open, My heavenly father gave me wisdom when I was in the dark place..and now a year later I can truly say I look at life with an eternal perspective every day, little joys mean sooo much more now,and Its funny because I use to think I really thought about life's little joys, but now I really really do.and I realized as long as my kids are happy, there's love and respect in my home and they learn the gospel, we're covered. And- I have to say my turning point was a day on pinterest where I saw this quote
I've seen miracles happen in my home this year, Seeing Harrison speak, he's potty trained( I didnt know how huge a blessing this would be and is, there are so many children who never learn this skill, and I feel extremely blessed that it clicked for him. He learned to say yes or no, he is saying all of his colors, His vocabulary has increased by at least 200 words he's speaking in sentences,will give people hugs that he dosn't know,his eye contact has improved so much we've being approved for fscd funding so he can be in early intervention programs, get one on one intense therapy,I feel so many blessings this year and I'm so greatful we live in Alberta where all of this is available to us. I'm greatful for all he can do and consider myself so lucky to have him in my life, what he teaches me daily, how much patience he gives me, and how he showed me to love to the deep core of my soul. Like I said I believe Harrison and I were so close in heaven. And I look at him every day like hes one of my best friends. I'm so proud of how far he's come this year, and I believe I needed him to learn things about myself. I've talked about the experience of sitting on my bed the summer before he was diagnosed and the sunlight fell on my face I was feeling so happy like nothing was wrong in life,and this feeling of heavy love came over me and almost spoke saying somethings coming bree, stay close to me. I knew in that instant something was coming, didn't know what, but I'm so glad he didn't leave me alone, and I have to say I've grown closer to my savior this year than I think I could have ever been without Harrison in my life.
This past year has been a hard one for me and my body, When I get stressed my hair falls out and it gets very very thin, needless to say you can imagine how this year went for the hair situation. I'm used to it happening. Theres years where I have my own hair and it's long and beautiful and years where I need to wear things to help hide bald spots and years where I need to wear a wig to hide being completely bald. I've had this secret for years and It just feels like I need it off my chest...
everyone close to me already knows,
so why keep it hidden
when maybe I can help someone.
And just learn to accept myself the way that I am.
No more hiding
I think I'm finding my inner strength this year.
Plus I hate running for my hair pieces whenever the doorbell rings!
HAA just imagine that everyone-
Brandon and I laugh at it-
RUN BREE RUN!
so If I show up at the door without my hair or some crazy hat or towel don't be alarmed.
( see why my husband is the most amazing man in the world-)
( he sees my heart and still tells me I'm beautiful and helps me laugh at myself)
(I just love Brandon so much)
But sometimes It's still hard regardless.of me being used to it by now. And sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him not pretty enough. Thank heavens for fake hair! I'm so so greatful for my wigs and hair extensions during the times that are hardwhere I have little or no hair. And I'm also so greatful for my dear friend who has fake hair too, makes me feel like I'm not alone out there. There are so many people that have to supplement their hair or cover it its crazy. There's also that 30 pounds I put on amidst all the stress. I feel sluggish and I know my body needs me to take better care of it skin,teeth ect
..so bikini boot camp comes again....
There have been relationship issues with people close to me, not directly with me, But it has been a tough year on many of my close friends and family. I hate seeing others grieve. I know what it feels like,and I just want them to be at peace with whatever life hands them. I'm just excited to start fresh. And I hope that love just wins. That family wins.
There have been some great moments though
Greyon is hilarious,and so tender hearted- You can tell he just loves his siblings, and I love how much he reminds me of Brandon. He's smart and quick witted,and makes me laugh daily. He has a girl at school who gave him a x mas present and he talks about amy all the time, and his other friend william and bryce who he races with,,and who he says are super fast! If I didn't have a little greyson humor this year- there are days I made it through because of this little guy. He always wants to show us that he ate his food because he's growing strong like dad. He loves his cousin jett so much. The three boys together are so funny.
Harrisons sweetness- how he just loves things with such intensity, I love watching him get excited about his cars changing colors- when I can tell something clicks with him.
And the best phrase all year him yelling mom I'm so happy to see you. Harrison trick or treating was awesome- they give me candy! TRICK OR TREAT!
I love when my kids run to their grandparents to give them hugs, it's like watching triplets run toward one person- coco's about the same height as the boys it's crazy!. I get are they triplets all the time in stores now.
coco learning to walk and talk- she's amazing for her age- she said mommy first! FINALLY! both my bys said daddy and light before me.. I guess having siblings helps her learn things- she sings twinkle twinkle all the time- she loves her blanky, loves putting her shoes on,I love her little bob cut and her pink cheeks. how i ask her to sparkle and she blinks her eyes really fast. She's been such a joy to me this year,and I'm greatful for her taking me away to dressupland when life was tough on certain days.
And Brandon- always there always strong always faithful and always the optimist.
You've been there for me through the tough times and I'm so greatful for your love
and perspective towards life.
I really feel a love like ours dosn't come around that often.
next year my resolution
to simplify my life
So there you go
thanks for the lessons
thanks for making me grow
I'm greatful you happened
time for a fresh start