Monday, December 5, 2011

I think I've reached a crossroads

I feel like my brain is taking me in a million different directions and what I want to do vs what I'm supposed to do, has been on my mind a lot. I've been debating shutting down my etsy shop for some time try new things, to have some freetime again, to be less cranky with my kids because I'm actually getting some sleep, because my kids are what really matter to me the most. But I'm worried if I loose my shop I lose a part of me, I feel like I've poured my soul into my work its what's helped me get through all the crappy things that have happened to me this year I will honestly say this has been the toughest year I think I've ever had, even worse than when my sisters passed away. And the reason I'm still standing has been my shop, its been my best friend my solace on nights where I just wept, an outlet to turn my anger  and sadness into something positive, and I'm scared of losing that friend the one who didn't judge the one that just listened to my heart. And being back to the place ..of not really knowing who I am or what I want to be.

( I don't like that place)

Also I'm starting to hate social media..I feel like it occupies my time and I feel I cant say certain things for fear of being looked at bad-even blogging i feel im censored. this whole service thing im worried about people thinking I'm doing it for the sake of praise- which isnt so I just wanted to teach my kids how to serve..and share what we did. But I'm so concerned about what everyone thinks that its hurting me. I actually just dont want that feeling in my life, like everything I do is being watched- but it helps with business and being an outlet to me and a personal history of my life- I have a love hate relationship with it,but somewhere deep down I know I don't need it in my life. But I'm not sure I could give it up. Someone tell me why we feel like we have to walk on eggshells and never voice our opinions..lately all I've wanted to do is just voice my opinion, actually get angry,( I had a dear friend tell me it really ok to feel the things we need to feel..heavenly father gave us we could feel them.) but its so uncomfortable for me and I don't want to make waves that I hold it all back...and it just feels like my brain cant hold anymore. I'm at a crossroads, but I'm scared at what's ahead and If I can find myself without my shop.


  1. I personally am loving all your little service ideas, they're super fun and give me ideas to do with my girls. I think the struggles with knowing who you are and what you want to be are valid. What's helped me lately to remember who I am is to recite the YWs theme to myself when I feel like I have no idea. It sounds simple, but it means so much more to me being at the stage in life I am now. As for what you want to be, sometimes I think we define ourselves by how the world wants to define us, and it's dangerous. What we want to be shouldn't be based on a label, I think it's more emulating those things that make us who we are as God's children. I struggle with that a lot. Bottom line, we all know that you are creative, positive and can make and do beautiful things, whether or not you have your business, those facts don't change and those outlets are still going to be there for you in the middle of the night when you feel like you need to do something.

  2. When it comes right down to it you need to do what is right for you and your family. If your shop and blog are the outlet you need to maintain your sanity, then create and blog away! Other will judge, but their opinions really do not matter.Do not let them drive you away from things you love.

    I don't know how I would manage without my blog, Etsy chats, and facebook friends. Online I have meet some incredible people that share some of the same struggles (and joys) I have. And I love knowing there are out there somewhere for me when I need them! And with that being said I'm also here if you ever need to just chat or vent.

    Kareena (KoJoZo)

  3. Oh hun, I know what it is like to feel overwhelmed and my life is WAY less busy than yours!

    Have you thought about having a huge Christmas sale, then shutting down the etsy shop for a while and just creating stock for the sake of creating? If you find you miss it, you can open up again, OR not.

    Also, I know what you mean by editing yourself. I have a separate blog that has NO identifying details on it, code names for everyone I am talking about and its not public. It lets me spill my guts without offending anyone or having anyone find out that I am talking about

    Give me a shout if you need some girl time away from it all, I am actually doing a hot yoga class down at your end this Friday! Wanna join?

    Divine Ms M

  4. Bree I have loved reading about your service ideas. I can't wait to read the next one. It motivates me to see where I can serve others in need. My opinion is if someone thinks you are doing this or anything for glory than that is their problem. People who know you know that this is you and your personality. You know the real reason you are doing things and if it makes you feel good than do it!

  5. Bree thank you for being such an inspiration. You are brilliant and motivating! Thanks again.